As I think about the struggles that I see so many young men dealing with, one of the main things that consistently strikes me is the lack of a father figure. I don’t mean a biological father, because I am adopted, but a male figure that is there to not only guide and discipline, but protect and support.
I think about the times I wanted to fight, get tattoos, the times I snuck out of the house, the lying, the stealing, the manipulating. I was trying to get whatever I wanted. I was very selfish. My father was a constant buffer for me. He knew that he had to be. I could manipulate my mom, but my father, he always knew what I was up to. He wasn’t perfect, but he was committed.
All that any young man needs is a man who is consistent and committed. I am not negating the influence and need for a female or the value that women bring, but a young man needs a male role model.
How is the young man, who has never met his father expected to learn how to be a man, when the only male figures in his life are strictly authority figures dishing out discipline? When I got busted, I suffered the consequences and shame, but in my own home the consequences were dealt with by my father. Regardless of the punishment, I always knew that he loved and valued me.
The young man whose father is absent, whose mother is working two jobs, so she’s never around, or when she is… she is exhausted. He’s never seen an example, or he’s seen a bad one; this is the harsh reality that so many young men face. So many feel the responsibility of being the man in the family way before it is their time.
Imagine being a young man who is scared, insecure and has experienced trauma and drama. You have access to information across the world with no direction or boundaries. What will you do and where will you go? Only God knows! During these different stages and ages you have feelings, thoughts, and questions about life and purpose. Your influence is your environment and experiences and people determine that. I am cautious of the experience that I am sharing with my young men and very intentional about our interaction and conversation.
The thing is, we all have to take responsibility for each other, especially the young people. You never know what a difference you could be making just by taking the time to validate someone’s existence. One little word of encouragement, a smile, could make a world of difference in someone’s life.
I would just suggest that everyone pause the next time you look at a young man and consider the possibilities, not just for the young man, but for yourself. They are struggling to find their identity. It is up to us, as a community to recognize and validate these young men, to offer our support, to be that village it takes to raise a child.
It’s your brother from another mother sayin’,” Be the change!”… Coach Crump
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